Dear Chiku, Amma loves you.

A day after we dropped our foster puppy back in the lawn in my office complex with her mom and siblings, she was run over by a car.

First came shock. Then guilt – should we have kept her with us? Then sorrow – for the bright, smart little person she was and all the things she would never see or smell or taste.

A week later, I think we have come to terms with the fact that she is no longer around. We know that we could not have kept her – B and S were extremely uncomfortable and on edge the entire 48 hours she was here. We would not have been able to do justice to a third dog, and definitely not one as young as Chiku.

And I know that on the day we took her back, she was bored. She was missing Hazel and Starlord and her mother and the patch of grass under the open skies. If we had kept her, she would have gotten used to living in the confines of our small apartment – but she was a girl with an adventurous spirit and she would have wanted the world to be her oyster.

When I look back at the 2 days that we had her, I feel SR and I did everything for her that we could have done in 12 years.

We bathed and dried her.

She slept on SR’s tummy and on my chest. On her last night here, she slept with both of us on the bed.

She peed and pooped on the bed and we cleaned that up. She met her brothers and stared them down.

We took off the dressing on her wound and put ointment on it. We let her sleep on our laps as we watched TV.

We fed her and played with her. We let her explore and chew and climb. We did not scold her or stop her from doing anything she wanted.

I believe in karma. Perhaps in another life, another world, I must have owed her all of this and I was given just 48 hours to pay it all back. In a way, I am glad that she is in a place where she won’t ever feel pain or cold or hunger. Where there are plenty of sofas to scratch and patches of soil to dig. Where there are other warm, furry bodies to curl around and keep her warm.

I had her only for 2 days, but I will have her in my heart forever. And I know that when I die and go to heaven, I will have my darling girl squealing, lying belly-up, waiting for me to pick her up and hold her close again.

 

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